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I’m noticing all the mistakes in this. It’s killing me not to fix them, but I try to force myself not to. I never noticed how fast 15 minutes could go by (I think I actually went to around 20, with all the ideas that kept coming).
Yeah this one kinda turned out a little silly.
“… and she solves all her problems on her back.” Lillian’s brother sneered.
“Alright then, Dave. Well as I was saying, you wouldn’t be too angry if I asked Lillian to the dance… would you?” I prayed that my bestfriend would understand.
“Yeah sure go ahead, but be warned she likes one thing… the same thing all us boys like,” Dave pointed out, “She’s what is better known as jail bait.”
My feelings towards my bestfriend’s sister slowly dwindled. He has to be lying, but why would he say that about his own sister?
Dave’s phone vibrated in his pocket, and he answered, while quietly saying goodbye to me.
I sighed and thought about all the years I’ve been in love with Lillian; well, as much love as people who barely know one another can have.
I guess I can always go to the dance with the boys again, and watch the other couples dance.
I opened a new pack of cigarettes and lit the first one. To my left was a couple entering the school building holding hands and talking about tonight’s plans; my heart sunk at the sight of it. Someone actually wanting to spend time with one another; I guess that could be nice… maybe.
“Excuse me?” A voice said behind me, as I was still staring at the happy couple.
Looking towards the stranger, a smile stretched across my face. It was Lillian. “Yes?” I said trying not to sound too enthusiastic.
She pointed towards the cigarette in my hand. “Man, I would love you forever if you were to happen to have an extra smoke on you?”
You built a lot of anticipation for this moment when the two characters, your protagonist and Lillian, would meet. So I’m interested to know what happens next. I’m also worried about the protagonist getting his heart broken because he seems lonely and inexperienced. So I would keep reading if there was more, which is great. And I’m also empathizing with the protagonist, which is also great.
He seems unsure of what he wants though, so I’m not sure how to feel about him or what I should hope for in the scene.
Lots of compelling stuff for a first draft.
Okay, so this was an interesting idea, I’ve never written anything like this. So it is totally out of my comfort zone. When I first read the prompt I felt kinda bad that my mind went to a dirt place but then I decided to just roll with it.
I didn’t go the whole 15 minutes but I was close, and I liked the way it ended.
It had been a moment of weakness. Janie had instead they they have tequila, and it went straight to Kat’s head. They went to college in a small town but she hadn’t realized who she was kissing.
Eric was on her so fast Kat wasn’t even sure she could have prevented it sober. It was really awkward, what she could remember of it, but the worst was the next morning. She was laying in bed naked and have asleep when Eric’s roommate walked in. Bash was the man of her dreams. At least until he opened his mouth.
“Guess the rumor is true, she solves all her problems on her back.”
Kat cringed, her roommate had told some of their friends that the other week and it had some how spread around campus.
When Kat was struggling with something (homework, family issues, boys) she liked to lay in the middle of her bed and just think. Of course Janie left that part out.
Now everyone thought that she was a little to active in the bedroom.
Eric laughed and replied, “You have no idea, man is she wild”.
Really, he was going to make this situation dirtier? “Fine”, Kat thought, “Two can play that game.”
I’m glad you decided not to judge yourself and just let the story take care of itself. Good for you, S.E.! It’s going somewhere awesome, and I admire the main character’s gumption.