So I’m working on this short story I started for some Glimmer Train contest or other. But it grew like a weed all unwieldy, and now it’s burst through its word count limit and its deadline. And I wish that was this story’s biggest problem.
Its biggest problem is that I’m still struggling to balance ye old show versus tell rule, and it’s got me so micro focused on each passing second and every minor character thought and gesture and useless detail of the environment that it’s all just TOO MUCH INFORMATION!
As much as I thought you and I solved this show, don’t tell rule once before, it’s turned out to be a tougher trick to master. But we both know that learning a lesson doesn’t always work in real life the way it does in stories (i.e. one and done). That’s why I’m so excited to share the formula that finally balances all the confusing show, don’t tell info out there.
I found this solution because I’d gotten so fed up with fighting my way up this shit mountain of a writing problem that I quit writing (temporarily!) and read a book instead. Thanks to the writing gods I picked up just the right one.
Enter Joan Didion’s midcentury classic, Play It As It Lays.
Balancing ‘Show, Don’t Tell’: Lessons from Joan Didion’s Play It As It Lays
Play It As It Lays is the famously nihilistic story of a woman trapped in the ennui of modern society. It’s a quick read. I devoured it in two insomniatic late night reading sessions last week as I was banging my head against the wall trying to transform my tiger stripes from night person into day person (it’s a work in progress).
Part of what makes this book a quick read is that each chapter is rarely longer than three pages. Many of them are just a paragraph. And the paragraphs, too, are just a few sentences long. It’s like a blog post in book form. Well, maybe not like my generally hefty blog posts, but whatever. I write short paragraphs to make them easy to read off a screen. I get credit for that 😉
So the text on every page of Play It As It Lays just sort of floats in all this whitespace. It resembles the white noise of the main character’s emotionally numb mind or the emptiness of her cold, dead heart. Harsh? If you’ve read the book, you may agree with me. (I still loved the read and feel for the book’s main character, although I may be alone in this.)
But this isn’t a book review. This is about the other thing that makes Play It As It Lays a quick read, which is the same thing that solved my little too much showing problem.
Joan Didion is a master of brevity. She gets in with the quick strokes that paint the barest necessity of scene detail before she’s off to the next chapter. And I needed this powerful skill to solve the excess of minutiae in my current work-in-progress. Here it is in case you need it too.
Ready?
An Example of ‘Show, Don’t Tell’ Balance in Action
We get this three paragraph chapter dead center of the book. It takes place in a restaurant (or maybe a cocktail bar or lounge). And we know from the details that these characters probably have money. But Didion doesn’t tell us that the characters are in a restaurant. And she doesn’t tell us that the characters have money. She shows us with this instead:
“I’ve got news,” Freddy Chaikin said after the waiter had brought her Bloody Mary and his Perrier water.
See that? We know they’re in a restaurant because there’s a waiter. And we can start to guess at their character and class background because of what they drink.
But the beauty isn’t in the show, don’t tell mastery here. It’s how efficiently and quickly Didion pulls it off.
She draws us in with the “I’ve got news” line, and we immediately want to know, what news? She establishes setting with the detail about the waiter. She tells us we’ve got at least two characters because one is talking to the other. And we get a sense of character because we know they dine out, particularly in places that serve Perrier water.
Here’s the lesson in a few key steps (notice how they balance each other).
The ‘Show Don’t Tell’ Formula in a Few Key Steps
Write with Specificity. If you use concrete and sensory details to build your scene, you’ll never have to worry you’re telling more than showing. Didion tells us what exactly each character is drinking because 1. it reflects character, 2. the concrete detail makes the scene feel more real, and 3. it orients the reader in the setting by cluing us in that the characters are in a restaurant.
Brevity keeps specificity in check. Specific and real are what the show, don’t tell rule is all about. But notice how Didion, in those two simple sentences above, doesn’t wax on about the restaurant once the reader knows that’s where the scene takes place. She gives us just enough to orient us in the setting. Every sentence she writes either builds character or advances the plot. The lesson for writers who want the same: cull anything that doesn’t.
Let POV balance the two principles. Brevity is a sliding scale. What feels like just the right amount of detail to one reader or writer feels stark and arid to the next. That’s okay. It’s up to you as the writer to determine what makes sense for your story. Didion’s Play It As It Lays revolves around an emotionally numb and ultimately selfish character. So it makes sense that a story from her POV wouldn’t focus as much on other people or what every environment looks and feels and smells like.
But maybe your character loves the physicality of being in her own body, so you would include details of what it feels like to move and stretch. Or maybe your POV character is a botanist, so you’d include a lot of sensory details about a stroll through a botanical garden. The key is always to include the details as filtered through your POV character, and choose only those details that build character or advance plot.
Use principles of filmmaking to skip the boring parts. Those French New Wave cinema techniques for writers support Didion here in that she’ll pull the lens back sometimes and skip time or zoom in and out on the action or into and out of a character’s head. Often times, Didion opens with dialogue in a scene only to jump to a week later in the very next paragraph.
We don’t have to follow the characters with a microscope and report their every moment-by-moment thought in a single scene. Sometimes it’s better to paint impressions instead of document the closeup play-by-play.
So the formula to keep show, don’t tell active but in check is: specificity + brevity + POV-appropriate details that build character or advance plot.
The Takeaway for Writers
Now that I have this formula as a baseline, I know I’ve been listening too much to the people who think my story needs more setting and detail. Because I LOVE Didion’s Play It As It Lays. The style, the lean prose, the concept and mood—it all just works for me.
And now I feel empowered to go with my gut on what’s right for the story I want to tell. You and I can move forward with our writing knowing that it’s okay to write however spare and lean and stark (or the opposite) if that’s what our gut tells us to write. We just have to find the kind of readers who dig that too. Because if it worked for so many successful writers, why not you and me?
May neither of us forget this lesson again <3
What about you? Made any writing breakthroughs this week? Struggling with a writing problem and waiting for that breakthrough? I’d love to hear about it in the comments. We’re in this together.
Awesome takeaway! And how right you are.
What I struggle with is body language beats. I was told I use too many. Plus, I’m taking a Margie Lawson class, and she shoots down every common beat, like “She nodded”, “his hands fisted”, “his eyes darkened” etc. “Write fresh,” she says. More than 3 “he shrugged”, and the writing is boring. But I like characters shrugging. And nodding.
No, seriously, it’s an awesome class. Writing fresh is vital to creating a page-turner. As is using the right amount of showing.
“Write fresh” is a good tip. It’s important to communicate the right information first. Sometimes the boring old phrases are the ones that do the best job. But it depends on the context. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, MM.
How will you write it fresh then? What’s the alternative? The character did nod how else can i show that?
Solid advice. Great take aways!
Glad to hear it!
Pithy and didactic interplay full of red meat I can sink my teeth into.
Many thanks!
I’m struggling with show don’t tell so this was extremely helpful. I’m taking a creative writing course and hoping it will help too. Thank you for this post.
Show-don’t-tell is a big struggle for a lot of us writers, Ann. You’re in good company 🙂 Good luck with the course!
hi, going to cut back on my characters conversation now. I told them they talk to damn much.
Lol 🙂 Here’s hoping they listen, Janet!
I just finished reading a writing book full of short stories as examples and it reminded me how much can be said in very few words. I fall victim to things like, “her nightstand next to the bed.” Um, where else would her nightstand be? *facepalm*
Don’t feel bad, Kasey. We all start out overwriting or underwriting and everything in between. The fact that you’re studying the craft puts you leagues ahead. What’s the name of the writing book?
Can you share the name of the book?
Play It As It Lays by Joan Didion
You have no idea how helpful this was. Description through the main character’s filter is something that I think I was already subconsciously doing. Now that I recognize it, I think it will be much easier to rework the areas that are falling flat – odds are, I’ve forgotten my character 🙂
Just stumbled onto your blog yesterday, and I’m so happy that I did!
Description filtered through character was a big one for me too, Ashley. It’s made a huge difference in my writing. Glad this helped you out. And I’m so glad we found each other too! I hope to see more of you here 😀
I am currently in a writing course at the moment and we have been tackling this issue. I don’t particularly enjoy Didion’s writing myself [I am reading her Memoir] I did find these tips a fantastic addition to my knowledge of Show/Don’t tell. Thank you.
It’s a tough one for sure. How exciting to be in a writing class! I’d be in a million different ones at all times if I could! Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Tennille 🙂
What a great way to tackle that pesky show don’t tell problem. It reminds me that you don’t need to add everything in there at once. Something I struggled with at the start. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for sharing your insights, Lana!
Great advice! I tend to get into far too many details which is why my short stories tend to evolve into a novel and a novel evolved into a tetralogy. Maybe I shouldn’t worry about fleshing out the first draft, which typically comprises action and dialog. Writing is truly an art where there’s always more to learn.
So true, Marcha. We’re always learning! Thanks for stopping by.
Thank you for this. It’s both informative and supportive.
It’s always a great refresher to study good examples of show-don’t-tell. Thanks for the tips!
I noticed your website says you’re a scifi writer, and so am I. What’s your take on balancing show-don’t-tell with the overwhelming necessity of world building in science fiction? Is there a happy medium?
That’s a good question, Azedarach. Scifi requires more worldbuilding, but I think the same guiding principles apply whether it’s scifi or any other genre: when the reader needs to know more, give it to them. That’s kind of vague but maybe it makes sense ;D
I find reading a lot of the golden age short story anthologies will give you a good idea
of Show, Don’t Tell. Robert Sheckley, Theodore Sturgeon, Richard Matheson were masters of this. Some of their stories are publicly available on the internet.
Very helpful, David. Thanks for those!
Agree with what you’re saying as every story requires a percentage of telling. My readers like paragraphs or pages of scene description. The happy balance is indeed tricky. Practice wins out though.
Question, When you start a new chapter or a new section, separated by asterix, normally you start with no indent. In this situation what is your take on this is the first line is dialogue. To indent or not?
Everything I have read about it appears to say it’s flexible, another says every start to a chapter should have no indent. If the dialogue is a short line, followed by another short dialogue line, it just looks weird,
It sounds like you’ve found what works for you, Glyn. That’s awesome.
On the formatting issue, it’s not something I’d worry about too much. As long as you stick with whatever you choose throughout your manuscript. Unless you find some definitive guide (I doubt there is one), I don’t think an editor will care as long as the story is a good.
Have you read A Simgle Shard by Linda Sue Park? It embodies these three rules beautifullly. Lean prose that’s what this long winded love to tell a good story banter fanatic sistagirl strives to produce! But honestly I don’t know if I have it in me. Problem I solved this week structure structure! Such a sad song! Also learning like Frozen to Let it Go! Which again creates lean prose! Full circle. Definitely going in my resource archives or better yet will be gluing to my eyeballs! Thank you for the support!
I’ll check it out, Robin. Thanks! And good luck with your writing. I hope you find the balance you’re looking for that still reflects your exuberant personality <3
Love it!
What helps me cull content is to have an orphans page where I put sentences I love but that don’t quite fit where I originally had them living. I think I could populate an entire town of orphans now though lol!
This is a great tip because it feels less like you’re killing your favorite passages when they don’t belong (because maybe you’ll find somewhere for them eventually, right?). Definitely makes editing a little easier.
This is fantastic advice. And I love how you are precise and clear with your explanations.
Didion scents mental reflection, envy to imitation. New writer here, new author for me. Excited prospect of your formula.. came to similar conclusion two days ago. Soaring enthusiasm. Thank you.
Regarding the example given (play it as it lays), for every reader who understands they are in a restaurant, there will be another wondering where they are, and another thinking they are in the middle of a featureless void. Restaurants are not the only places with waiters, and those drinks are hardly a sign of wealth. I drank Perrier when I was a penniless student, for goodness sake! And a bloody Mary tells us nothing about wealth without context. Could it be a favourite Drink? The only drink available? The only cocktail the waiter knows how to make? The first time “her” has tried it? Are all other alcoholic drinks banned? Who knows, because this is far too vague.
To give an anchor to a scene, you need a bit of telling. Otherwise it’s all teleporting from one featureless void to another.
regarding the Margie Lawson course and the nodding dilemma, the answer is to say something like “he raised and lowered his head slightly a few times”. As for shrugging, how about “She raised her shoulders slightly and momentarily.” Well, it’s “writing fresh”, but also ridiculous. I can’t believe people are paying good money for advice like this.
Seriously, though, you should understand that these courses are opinions and advice, not facts. Once you get to the point where you start hearing contradictory advice, that’s when you should start making up your own mind based on your own experience. And this applies to all life skills, not just writing.
The thing that really blows this “writing fresh” advice out of the water is when you read books by authors who’ve made a mint and you find their writing full of nodding, shrugging, winking, clenched fists, stomping around, red faces, adverbs, telling not showing, and (gasp!) passive tense. That’s when you ask yourself “if they can do it, why can’t I?” followed by “why did I part with all that money for such useless advice?”
Going back to Margie Lawson, I just tried to find out what bestselling books she’s written. The answer is none that I could find. You’re better off learning how to analyze books in the genre you’re interested in, focusing that knowledge on bestsellers, and taking them apart mentally to see how they’re made.