So when I rebooted this site with the Writers of Kern Blog Challenge posts in September, I was cautiously optimistic.
Actually, that’s horse shit. I was totally sure I was going to fail.
I was thinking, Dude You’ve Totally Tried to Blog Before And You Sucked + Quit. (I wrote a lame blog that was totally self-centered, and not interesting to anyone with a pulse for a couple of sporadic months. And I hope you’re not snickering something like, Oh Are You Describing Your Blog Now or Then? Because that would be funny but also mean.)
So, right, I was afraid I’d fail. And then I was like, Okay Whatever Just See How Long You Last This Time Then.
And I gave it a shot.
Well, the blog challenge lasted 13 weeks. And every time I wanted to skip a post, I thought this…
You’ve hit every post until now. Is this really the day you’re going to miss one? I know. It was totally a BUT IT IS NOT THIS DAY! moment. And then I rode off on my pony into the rainbow sunset.
But in total seriousness, it was really exciting not to have quit. And that alone kept me pumped to keep going. And so that pep talk worked. Every time. Even after the challenge ended.
So there I was. Writing this post about The Fault in Our Stars (I read it Saturday. More on that later. Promise.) and about what John Green says about writers and some other whatever about why writers write and stuff.
And the post just wouldn’t gel.
The husband asked what I was writing for today’s post. We were in the Starbucks drive through. And I kept trying to tell him what the heck that John Green post was about in just a few words because we were almost to the drive through speaker. And I just couldn’t explain what the heck the post was about. Because—I realized—I didn’t know what the heck that post was about.
It was already dark out. (Yes, I drink coffee at night. I drink coffee all day. That’s kind of bad actually. Shit.) And I didn’t know how I was going to pull my draft together into anything but floating quotes and tenuous connections between ideas that I didn’t quite understand yet myself.
And the thought made me tired. No amount of coffee was going to touch that complete mental shut down. (Probably because I drink too much of it. But also because I was tired.)
I’m trying to add plates to this athletic spinning act. Dropping one that’s already in the air, like my blog post schedule, is not okay.
And yet…What can I do?
I guess I could just tell you about how hard it is to write a blog post. On schedule. Three times a week after so many months. When you really just want to be able to do that AND everything else too, so you try to find room in the day for every single thing, and you over-drink coffee, and you try to get it all done while adding more stuff all the time.
So I’ll tell you.
Sometimes it’s just too hard to write. Sometimes it’s just too hard to write a blog post.
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